• Val Uchendu

Digging Deeper Into Healing

Loss is universal. No one can escape it. But can you survive, recover, heal, grow, thrive, become profound after loss? Absolutely. In this week’s episode, I introduce a new way of looking at healing. I talked about how loss doesn’t obey the laws of matter. It doesn’t care about space and time. It doesn’t matter where you go, who you’ve become, what you’ve done—your loss will always be with you. But it does matter that you live on. Below, I talk about how to live on and thrive after loss.



Living on after loss

Did you watch the royal wedding? If so, you may have seen that Prince Harry still left a seat for his mother at the wedding. Loss never leaves us. But you must live on, and to live, you must become profound. To be profound, you must be thriving. To thrive, you must have grown from the experience. To grow, you must heal. And to heal, you must survive—you must choose to live. Never let anyone tell you to move on! Loss is an important part of you. It’s not something to be cast aside.


Choosing life

Loss can leave you destroyed, but you have to believe that you can make it through. In order to survive, you must choose life. You must feed your body with food, water and oxygen, rest your mind and body, and be open to the support of your spirit. Your spirit is rooting for you. Nature supports healing, if you will just give yourself the time to heal.


Healing

Be gentle with yourself through this process. Your spirit doesn’t work on any predictable timeline, nor do loss or healing. Do not take on the heavy task of fixing broken relationships—they are in the past. Focus on the new you—your new roles, and the opportunities you now have for new relationships, sometimes even with people from your past. If any person, place, relationship, or experience limits, shrinks, or minimizes you, avoid it. It is against the nature of our spirit to shrink. If you’re healing from the loss of a relationship with a person, resist the urge to contact that person during this time. This is only a recipe for drama, not for facing finality.


Grow from the experience

Always go forwards—never go backwards. Never try to reach back into the past to fix things. It can’t be done. You aren’t the same person that you were back then. If you have the urge to reach out to a loved one who caused this loss, call a new friend or relationship instead. Remember, you must accept the finality of what happened. Only then can you start to recover, grow, and thrive.



Thriving

You should never move on from loss. People may tell you to do this, but it won’t help you thrive. Move on means go or leave the place you’re in right now. When a well-intentioned person says move on, they are literally not on your side. They are uncomfortable with what you’re feeling and they want you out of their way. They won’t face the reality of your experience, even though it’s an experience they too will encounter someday. Withstand this criticism! If you are surviving, healing, growing from the experience of your loss, you are ready to thrive. Next time an impatient, well-meaning friend or family member tells you to move on, simply say, “Nature/God does not work on your timeline.” Or, “Peace, be still, I’m healing.”


This week, I interviewed Rachel Greenberg who also does not advocate to move on, but rather moving forward on S.02 Epi. 03 of “Loss Is Not A Taboo Word.” Please take a listen at www.lostandprofoundtv.org. or my Facebook page—lostandprofoundtv to hear me go into more detail. Be well and be healing. Check out the some products I’ve added to inspire, motivate, and support your process, whether you're recovering, surviving, healing, growing, or thriving, at www.the-profound-store.myshopify.com.

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