Let Yourself Feel
You might think “fake it till you make it” is the best route when you’re going through loss or healing. It’s not! In pretending to be all right, you’ll only be wasting the energy that your body needs to heal. On this week’s episode, I talk about feeling what you’re feeling, not denying or burying it. Don’t use your energy for the wrong thing during this time. If you’re feeling down, be down. Below, I talk about ways to acknowledge and accept your pain in order to heal, grow, thrive, and ultimately become profound.
Be low—but don’t enjoy it
Don’t waste your time or energy pretending to be excited, happy or energetic if you don’t feel any of these things. This is the wrong use of your energy and will only prolong your healing. At the same time, acknowledging your sadness doesn’t mean that you should come to enjoy it. The goal is to get what you need from your feelings and get out fast. Your tears have meaning and they have a purpose. If you need to cry, cry! Crying releases, cleanses, and purifies. Don’t wait years to let this out. Find somewhere private to cry and release your pent up emotions.
Anger is okay
Anger can feel all-consuming, frightening and negative. But if it’s what you feel, it’s what you feel. Don’t let it take you over, but acknowledge and accept it. This week I speak with my guest, Robin Chodak, about just this issue. Everyone gets angry at the loss of love in particular. We feel anger toward him or her, toward the loss, toward our own mortality, toward ourselves... It’s all right to feel that anger, but don’t act on it. Remember, in order to heal, you must survive. Release your anger safely. Hit a pillow, yell into the open air, attack nature, it can take it. Never, never hurt another living thing, yourself included. Your anger will pass as you continue to heal.
Feeling guilt after loss is natural and universal. Why do you feel guilty? It could be that you violated a personal belief or a societal expectation. It could be that you disappointed yourself in the way that you acted, thought, spoke or felt. Feel your guilt, but like anger, don’t act on it. When it’s done its job, let it go. Don’t dwell on it and get caught in a cycle of self-destruction. The only way out of guilt, the only way to heal, is to forgive yourself. Love yourself and love others. If you don’t, you’re being even more cruel than the loss itself. Throughout this time stay present, hold onto love and don’t let go. If the word “love” is hard to bear, hold onto kindness, respect, forgiveness and gentleness. Feel what you feel, and you will heal.
Your feelings are meaningful, even if they are sadness, anger and guilt. You must feel them and work through them in order to heal. Don’t let yourself wallow in these dark emotions! Work through them and put them behind you when you’re ready. You will heal, you will thrive, and you will become profound. Listen to my latest show, S.02 Epi. 05 of “Loss Is Not A Taboo Word.” at www.lostandprofoundtv.org. or my Facebook page—lostandprofoundtv to hear me go into more detail. Be gentle with yourself. See you next week.